www.bexleyschools.org

www.bexleyschools.org

Increasin g Resilienc y in your student 2 Hello! I am Bree Warner, LISW I am here because I am the Mental Health Therapist for Maryland You can contact me at: [email protected]

3 Hello! I am Michelle DeBellis, LPCC I am here because I am the Mental Health Therapist for Bexley High School You can contact me at: [email protected] 4 Hello! I am Jared Smith-Valentine, LPC

I am here because I am the Mental Health Therapist for the Middle School You can contact me at: [email protected] 5 Circle of Courage 6 What is the circle or courage

The Circle of courage is a philosophical brainchild of Dr. Martin Brokenleg and Dr. Larry Brendtro The circle of courage incorporates the concept of medicine wheels. The Circle of Courage Identifies 4 intertwining directions that children need to develop in: Attachment/Belongingness, Autonomy/Independence, Altruism/Generosity, and Achievement/Mastery The Circle of courage has been effectively and empirically used as a development tool since 1988 and in 2005 was integrated into the Response Ability Pathway model. 7

8 Community 9 Attachment/ Belongingness Human beings have an innate need to feel attached and to be a part of communities. Having secure attachment generates feelings of calmness and safety, and acts as a support for failure Belonging to a community fosters being loving, trusting, and

cooperative What are some communities that your children belong to? When we redirect children how do we do so without limiting belonging? 10 The Pebbles and the pond One component of teaching the circle of courage is storytelling. The model uses oral tradition as a way to convey life lessons. The parable of the Pebble and the Pond

explains to children the power they have to impact their communities, and how that power can be both strengthening of resiliency while also being intimidating. Achievement/ Mastery If belonging is a journey of learning to trust and love others. Mastery is a journey of learning to trust and love yourself. Traits of a child engaging in mastery behaviors are that they are trying new things with confidence, using imagination and creating their own solutions.

Teaches child to recognize their personal strengths 11 12 Autonomy/ Independence Once a child is secure in their community they begin to explore their roles within the community. This can be described as the journey for independence. Independence is the journey of others trusting and loving us. Independent acts not only foster our communitys faith in us but also our faith in ourselves

Even small acts of independence are important to children (line leading, completing expected work, etc.) When we praise these behaviors we encourage growth. What sort of things do we do to foster independence within our schools and communities? Accepting responsibility for failure is a way to increase resiliency and foster independence Altruism/ Generosity Decades of research on altruism has shown that acting for our communities encourages our own well-being Research shows that our sense of morality is more a result of how we are treated than of what we are told

Relationships of empathy, capacity to give, sense of morality, compassion, honesty, fair play, and response to the needs and suffering of others (Wolin & Wolin) How do we as parents, as a school, and as a community build altruism in our children? 13 Coercive vs restorative Physical Coercion Punishment Deprivation Restraint

Physical Support Protection Nurturance Freedom Emotional Coercion Threat Hostility Blame Emotional Support Trust Respect

Understanding Social Coercion Exclusion Frustration Domination Unconcern Social Coercion Belonging Mastery Independence Generosity

14 15 Intertwi ning The directions of the circle come back toward each other, leading into and impacting each area. Children who grow in all of these areas thrive because each

skill set feeds into and impacts the others. 16 Tips & Tricks Dont accommodate every need Avoid eliminating all risks Teach them to problem solve Teach concrete skills Avoid why questions, instead ask how Use Im not sure, how should would handle it?

Avoid catastrophizing Let your kids make mistakes Help them manage emotions Model Resiliency 17 Circle of Courage Activity 19 Resources

Articles Books The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting by Brene Brown The Optimistic Child by Martin E. P. Seligman Ph.D. The Orchid and the Dandelion by W. Thomas Boyce

Response Ability Pathways by Larry Brendtro and Lesley Du Toit How to Raise an Adult by Julie LythcottHaims Podcasts Invisibilia- The Fifth Vital Sign Experts on Experts Jonathan Haidt Fresh Air - Is Your Child An Orchid Or A

Dandelion? Unlocking The Science Of Sensitive Kids NPR - To Raise Confident, Independent Kids, Some Parents Are Trying To 'Let Grow' The Atlantic- The Coddling of the American Mind Michigan State University Wholehearted

parenting: Raising kids with courage and resiliency Psychology Today-4 Ways to Build Resilience (All Kids Are Not the Same) Psychology TodayAdolesence: Designed for Failure, Recovery, and Growth 20

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